Street Junk?
ci, the *Garage Sale*. It all begins with a sign on a telephone phone.
Like a "Lost Kitten" advertisement, fluffy white, with it's little lost persona staring you right in the face: SATURDAY. 8-5.
It's like a "Concert Coming" or a "For Sale" notice with a rip-able phone-number fringe skirting the bottom that makes you grunt.
And you remember those eyes and your grunt goes from "Whatever," to becoming one of wonder and suddenly, curiously - you make a plan, or, you make a split-second decision and turn around to... Go <^>
Right. So you're there and suddenly you fall into one of two categories - the guilty and the non.
The Guilty: You feel obliged to buy something. This stems from a sexual attraction to your mother (boys), or a sexual attraction to your father (girls). Simply put - you know it's wrong but... they've done so much for you...
The Non: You don't give a shit. This stems from a sexual attraction to your mother (boys), or a sexual attraction to your father (girls). Simply put - you've been had enough times. You don't owe nothin'!
Now, whether you buy something or not - there are three things that can or could occur, and will occur, depending on who, <^>, is hosting the *Garage Sale*.
If you are attending a garage sale that my husband's family is not hosting this can or could or will happen:
1. You are watched like a hawk as you peruse the unimportant, cheap, overused and unwanted items. God forbid someone steal a 25 cent piece of street junk that they will not miss.
2. You are not offered cookies or other baked goods even though you are in theory a visitor at this person's home.
3. You are not greeted with music to browse by.
Or*** if you are attending a garage sale that my husband's family is hosting this can and could and will happen:
1. Upon your arrival you are greeted with a cheery "Hello!" and henceforth ignored at what oddly looks to be a family reunion.
2. You are offered cookies or other baked goods because you are a visitor at their home. In fact, if you stick around and chat awhile you'll leave with that street junk before marked 1 dollar -for free! And... that peanut butter fudge you've been eating? It can be put on order for the holidays.
3. You are greeted with music to browse by. That's why that decrepit radio they always mean to sell for pennies sticks around year after bloody year. (Why don't they get that? I refer to the pre-garage sale conversation question: "What?! Didn't we get rid of this last year? Okay this year we mark it down! They offer a nickel they get it!" Yep. Sure you will.)
Ah yes - garage sale conversation. It spans from "OMG do you remember this? Awww - I don't know if I can sell it..." to "What is this? I don't even know where I got this!"
But my favorite garage-sale-conversation is to be found in the petty comments given by many American garage sale goers.
The comment: "Well, can't see nothing I can't live without.
No kidding...
The comment: "How much are you asking for this?" When your masking tape price tag very clearly declares how much you are asking.
Be real cheapskate - just ask if we'll go down.
The comment: "This is my 3rd garage sale of the day. I'm plum out of money!"
So then why did you come fother mucker?
The comment: "Just here to look."
WARNING!!! Run these people off your property! They are the thing identity theft is made of! "Oh, I see you used to knit?" Yah right wanker.
*<^>*
No comments:
Post a Comment